I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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