she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
