I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
