Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I will die if light touches me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
