He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
