i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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