You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How does it feel to date your dad?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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