he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
