he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
