ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
