I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
