If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
