I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
