you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
