How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
