My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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