just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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