I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
