Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
