my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
