We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
