New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
