I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i've created a new STD.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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