Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Girls should come with a carfax report
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
