This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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