I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His hands were made for my vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
