i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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