I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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