I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
