Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
