i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
