My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
