i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
