Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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