1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Buhtt sex?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
