I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
