i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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