end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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