That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
