it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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