Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
