I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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