My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
