Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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