Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
