Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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