if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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