you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
