i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
