wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
