is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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