So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
