There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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