im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
