I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
