he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
