WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
