Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
