I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
