Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
