The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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