I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
