I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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