I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
