So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
