I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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