The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
