i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
