i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
