she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
