hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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