I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
