Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
