wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
