I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
