so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
